Monday, May 08, 2006

Dear Blog

Dear Blog,

I'm really sorry that I've neglected you for so long. Not only did I leave without a word, I'll come clean and tell you that I've gone back to my old habit of lurking on other blogs as well.
I realise that we should never have been unrealistic in our relationship. I should've made it clear upfront that I'm a somewhat random character that doesn't like being tied down. I'd like to start over with you again, though I think we'll have to face it that I need some space from time to time. I really hope you understand.




My sincere apologies for the incredibly long absence. I honestly thought that I probably wouldn't write another word on my blog. It's been ages since i've been here. Was terribly busy as soon as I got back for the summer holidays (in december, I knowww ><) as i did an internship in a Kuala Lumpur accounting firm. I couldn't find the time to do anything then really!! waking up early, going to work and coming home feeling all drained was my daily grind. I put it down to the fact that I wasn't used to all that gruelling hours. Certainly made me treasure my student life much more! Been back in Melbourne for a couple of months now and autumn weather has reared its muggy, chilly head. Well, let's see what my blog has missed during my absence. 1. Brokeback Mountain hit the silver screens with much expected controversy 2. My friend CF found love
3. Wingedman Will found his other half as well
4. Jay and NM still hold the award for the sweetest couple
5. All the things i went through at work, though it wasn't all that exciting
6. How I have been so confused about so many things, from my career, to what I want in life

Of course there are soooo many other things but I can't really recall at this point.

Work was good thanks to fun colleagues. Had to go out to the client's in Cyberjaya for about two months though. Can you imagine the daily commute!!
I have done an internship before this at my dad's friend firm which wasn't nearly as big as the one I was recently with. I therefore expected the recent one to be terribly glamourous and all..
but it turned out to be plain old work. And that certainly taught me not to expect too much. I used to imagine beautiful people in beatiful suits, all looking like New York Investment bankers ala 'the apprentice' but that went out the window. Everything was just.. so.. normal... I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. The line of service I was in had rhodes scholars and all them other brainiacs but they still worked like normal people. Nothing fantabulous.

All this led me to wonder whether I was prepared to do this for the rest of my life. Seeing that I'm one of them instant gratification type people (I blame it on society and its drive for instant everything :D) imagine the years of slogging I'd have to endure before I actually get anywhere. This is the point of realization that nothing comes easy.

The thinking and contemplation on various things in my life have recently put me in a state of confusion! I really have to try and live in the moment rather than be the worry wort that I usually am ><>

Random Shot of Melbourne Central on the corner of Swanston and LaTrobe at night

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Still here!!

Sorry guys! haven't blogged since forever! I assumed that after the finals i'd have more time to blogged but boy was i wrong. I usually blog at night, and ever since exams were over i've been out late all the time. But guess what! i'm back in M'sia!! yay me! Flew alone but it wasn't so bad, at least there was another student next to me, so can talk talk abit lah. Haven't done much since i got back on last monday.. mamak for most of it. Did meet up with Chris tho... :D

My internship starts on Thursday... ! so soon!! i was looking forward to it before, but now i'm a little anxious.. dunno how i'll do.. i do wanna make a good impression. I'll be working all the way till the 17th of February!! that's like forever!! :'(

Oh pooh.. there really hasn't been much going on in my life. Funny thing though, there was this letter on Derek's blog that i liked a lot, and just recently i was thinking of printing it and leaving it around in hope that my mom would read it. And on the very same day.. my mom was reading a blog, and there was the same letter!!! i was like holy shit..!! i turned around and she was reading that very letter.. so i just said, "oh, i've read that letter before.. pretty well written." Don't think she even finished reading it though. But it was just really cool that she had to read the very same letter on a random blog. (She likes to blog hop.. lets hope she doesn't bump into mine! >_<

Anyway... going to airport to pick bro up. He noes about my blog now.. if you do read this, stop reading bich! heheh

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Of Ketupats and Rendang..

OMg. It’s HOT down here in Melbourne!! We’re talking 30 degrees kinda hot! And with no a/c and no car, there’s no way to escape the heat! I had a horrible headache all day. Must be dehydration. In fact I still have it right now. Today marks the last day of Ramadhan and fasting. That’s right! No more containing my horniness till après-sunset! *evil grin* I’m so going to hell for this aren’t I? Oh no, wait wait.. I think I’d be going to hell for oogling at this guy for a full 10 mins at the Malaysia Airlines office just now. Hot Hot Hot! And I’m NOT talkin bout the weather!

<>Tomorrow will be Eid-il-Fitr, or better known as Hari Raya! This’ll be my first Hari Raya away and I’m totally not feeling it. Yet. At least I’ve got my Brahim’s Rendang sauce and my mom sent me some instant ketupat thingees. That’s as close to a Hari Raya feast as I can get. On a typical Hari Raya, we’d be back in my mom’s hometown all the way up in Kuala Terengganu. Nothing much ever happens up there, but it’s just fun hanging out with the family. I suppose this is a turning point in my life, where I actually have a life of my own. Sigh.. the inevitable…

Anyways, Selamat Hari Raya and Happy Diwali to everyone. Hope you guys get a relaxing holiday to recharge. Enjoy!

P.S. I just noticed the missed calls from you foolycooly! Sorry, I tukar ringtone and I guess it was too soft. Call u in abit!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

3/4 Merdeka!

Yay!! Just finished 3 of 4 papers.. I dunno how I'll do.. although I have a feeling my average will drop this sem.. :(

Anyways.. lookiie what I saw in '7-11' a few days ago!! truly a WTF moment.

Ais-Krim 'Masa Emas Bapuk'

Yes, that's right... Have yourself a golden gaytime today!! Why would they name an ice-cream stick that?! They might as well have had it rainbow colored with lambda's et al. I can imagine fags getting really excited about it though! (i.e. Moi) hehe. I bet the 7-11 girl can tell the fags just by who buys this ice-cream..

So yeah.. I had my golden gaytime.. Even if i had to pay for it. hmph.
Now i just need someone to share my golden gaytimes with!

Edit: That is NOT my hand!!! It's my friend's and yes she's a girl! :P

Sunday, October 16, 2005

I am going to kill you Chris!!

That's right Chris!! *stab stab* hahaha. I jealous gila babi!! He's in Malaysia meeting the other bloggers.... dammit lah.. !! and he just started blogging only recently.. dengkilah i! I can't wait for the end of the year when we'll get to go out and do crazy stuff!

Sorry guys .. haven't been checking my blog much! the thing is, when i don't update i feel guilty to the point that i'm scared to check my blog.. i'm such a freak lah. But i really appreciate u guys commenting!!

Recently some of my friends found out that i've been blocking them on MSN. Not good. The thing is, when i have nothing to say to someone, i start feeling it rude that i'm online and not having a conversation with them. That's where the blocking begins. I've blocked evryone before including my best friend and my high school friends except of course my mom as a strict rule. (yes, i'm a freak) So yeah.. had to do some friend-maintenance just now. In case you ever read my blog, so sorry SL.

Came out to another friend recently. She was telling me how she had no gay frens etc. and i was like sniggering in my mind. She was saying that some of her friends were wondering why gay men have AIDS and one of them actually said "I think they develop it". When my friend told me that i was laughing my ass off. Like whateverrrrrrrrr!!! Thank god u didn't agree SP!!

Me: OMG, it just hit me! You know who's gay??? You have to promise you won't tell anyone!
NOT a single soul!
SP: Ohmygod! WHO? do you know the person
Me: Yeah, can say okaylahhh
SP: Do I know the person?
Me: Well.. hmm.. yess.. yes you do.
SP: WHO IS IT??? Malaysian ah? in our gang or not?
Me: Yeaps
SP: tell meee!!!
Me: It's me.. haha

And then she let out this 'aww' which i still don't know what it meant. Later i learnt that prior to me coming out, she already told her sis she suspected i was gay. Not good lah, they're all starting to catch on! *eek*

Exams are starting to creep closer... and i haven't been friggin studying!! fuck me!
i'm so screwed!! It's always like this evryyy exam. And what's worse is that today is the big Caulfield Cup Race day at the horse racecourse nearby. As i look out my window i see tons of pretty women all dressed up with their fancy hats annddd flocks of HOT men walking past my window in yummy suits. Pink ties on white shirts are just so so hot *cringe*

How to study like that ah? I'm Fuckd.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

I'm too blur to think of a title right now!

hey evryone... yeah, i've been away... had my hols last week so kinda just got even lazier than usual!! Didn't do ANYTHING!! Well.. anything productive at least. Just spent way too much money! which means i'm broke :'(

I just noticed something, when i don't update my blog i NEVER surf the other blogs. Not for anything but for the guilt that i haven't updated my blog. Aren't i horribly weird?! It's like i feel like i should not be rewarded unless i do my work.. hehe. That explains why i only comment/lurk when i post something new up.

I met up with ExecutorLouis as well as foolycooly last sunday. It was my first time going out and meeting complete strangers thing ... so it was really really weird at first!! I was like freaking out! We were suppossed to meet at the Big Nike store in Melbourne and when i got there i was like "what am i doing here?? eek!!" I've always thought that meeting people from the internet was just not my thing, but i just did it anyway.. so yay me!

I did have some inhibitions because little 'gay' things like meeting up with other gay malaysians, affirms my sexuality little by little and I'm probably in a little bit of denial still, so it takes a little bit of brain-shoving to get me going. What's worse is that i finished 'the line of beauty' by alan hollinghurst just before i met up with the guys, and that book makes the gay life seem so morbid!! I was NOOOTT in the mood to affirm my gay side that day.

But so yeah, We went to this coffee place in the city called St. Jeromes (another link here, at the bottom of the page) in the city, introduced by foolycooly. It was this really cool little coffee place that was unpretentious in it's low-maintenance feel, so much so that it actually made it look pretentiously bohemian.. hehe.. me likey! It was fun, just hanging out with some other gay malaysians, and being able to use the G-word without fear. :D

Started fasting yesterday. Puasa starts at about 4.20 am and gets earlier evryday! Fasting means no porn before 6.30 pm. And for a whole month! Dammitlah.

anyways... i 'll be posting a little less than my already miserable frequency, coz my exams are up in 2 weeks. :( I'll definitely be free-er after a few weeks.. and i'm looking forward to that!

hmmm.. i think i'll go lurk around now that i've got a new post! :D catcha guys latr!

Saturday, September 24, 2005


It was my second time clubbing last night. Went to twofivefive on Swanston St. with a bunch of friends. When we first got in, we were just standing around talking, porbably coz we weren't in the groove yet. That's of course until the drinks came. That club has got to be the MOST ASIAN club I have ever seen. No exaggerations when i say that there were more white people in the club back at home.

The ppl there weren't too bad. Not terribly hot, but not too shabby either. I was sooooo trying hard to stare at some girls' asses but alas, still no reaction. Dammit.

Sitting there, I was wondering, What's really the motivation for going clubbing. I'm guessin it's the alcohol and the dancing. Which is really funny coz all you do is move your body and try your best to look sexy (something that i am inept at). And i don't drink, which is horrible coz i pay more for my raspberry water than my frens do for their beers. Hmph. And raspberry water, how gay is that.. haha.. I also noticed how i sing along to the girly songs like Mariah Carey and Beyonce.. tsk tsk

I personally am the lurker kind. I'd rather sit there and watch people. Observe how they dance, rate the ppl.. so much funner :D Watching beautiful people do their thing. Which is why you'd somtimes be able to see me at Gloria Jean's on Sultan Ismail instead of in the clubs.

But being in a straight club sucks! Sitting there, I was all jealous that i didn't have someone to dance and get close to. At first I saw a guy that kept looking in my direction. Not bad, kinda cute. Even when i was standing alone I was convinced that he was looking at me. I was like hmm.. this isn't too bad.. But guess what, 2 hours later he attempts to pick up one of the girls I was with. Maybe he was just checking to see if i was 'with' them. But seriously, this mind-fucking is TIRING. Is he gay, is he not gay? was he looking at me? Sheeessh... Everytime i get mind-fucked i feel like shit coz it reminds me how hard it is being gay in a straight world.

Which is why, I should just stick to gay clubs instead. Clubbing sans the mind-fuck. I haven't gone to a gay club before but I so wanna go though.. I'm on hols now but there's no one to go with :(

So anyone of you free to come down to Melbourne and take me out? :D